


I hate you in my mind but I love you with all I have

by the_milky_way



Series: 25 Days of Buck and Eddie [23]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: 25 Days of Fic, Alternate Universe - Canon, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Buck starts out hating Eddie, Caring Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Developing Relationship, Evan "Buck" Buckley Loves Eddie Diaz, Hate to Love, Hurt Evan "Buck" Buckley, Idiots in Love, Insecure Evan "Buck" Buckley, Lonely Evan "Buck" Buckley, M/M, Major Canon Events still happen, Misunderstandings, POV Evan "Buck" Buckley, Pre-Relationship, Pre-Relationship Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz, Prompt Fic, Sad Evan "Buck" Buckley, They never really got to be friends, Understanding Eddie Diaz, a bit of smut, prompts, so sort of AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-23
Updated: 2020-12-23
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:53:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28274157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_milky_way/pseuds/the_milky_way
Summary: It’s hate at first sight. Well no, it’s actually lust at first sight but that’s so out of the left field that his mind automatically settles on hate. Because the new guy is threatening even though Buck tells him otherwise. He seems capable, is a decorated vet as well as best of his class and apparently exactly Buck’s type.or:Buck and Eddie never make it to being friends after Eddie's first day with the 118. This is the story of how they manage to get together anyway.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Series: 25 Days of Buck and Eddie [23]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2036098
Comments: 21
Kudos: 213





	I hate you in my mind but I love you with all I have

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt for Day 23:
> 
> "New"
> 
> So this is an AU where they boys aren't best friends but are still idiots in love. Major canon events still happen, though. This is from Buck's POV, so not very reliable when it comes to certain things.  
> This part is finished and can be read as a stand-alone.  
> The story will have three parts and will be continued on Day 24 and 25.

It’s hate at first sight. Well no, it’s actually lust at first sight but that’s so out of the left field that his mind automatically settles on hate. Because the new guy is threatening even though Buck tells him otherwise. He seems capable, is a decorated vet as well as best of his class and apparently exactly Buck’s type. So yeah, Buck feels threatened because Eddie Diaz embodies everything that could destroy Buck’s life. Also, Eddie Diaz is one of the best looking men Buck’s ever seen. And Diaz seems to have labeled Buck as some kind of simple-minded bully. They don't have a good start. 

So Buck hates. Not loudly but with enough outward signs that everyone knows about it. Especially after that first day and the conversation between Chim and Eddie Buck almost walks in on.

“Yeah, no. He comes across as a real bully. I wouldn’t touch that guy with a ten foot pole.”

“Not even as a friend? His puppy-dog eyes are really cute.”

“No. I need to trust people that I call friends. I’m pretty sure we aren’t on the same wavelength. Like at all. If he wants to feel threatened by me, fine. I can deal with that.”

“Harsh, but understandable. He’s one of the youngest around and can be a real idiot sometimes.”

Buck never goes into the gym to get his photos for the calendar submission done. He never even submits anything, doesn’t rib Chimney about winning, doesn’t commiserate with Eddie about it. He stops trying to be Chim’s friend after as well. He figures if everyone thinks he’s still the idiot he was his first year, it’s wasted time and energy to try and change their view. They have Eddie now. The better version. The version Buck wants to be and hates at the same time.

The fact doesn’t change after the bomb even though they agree that they are a good team. They work well together but that’s it. It doesn’t change after the earthquake even though Buck offers to drive Eddie and meets Christopher. They don’t get close outside of work. They sometimes talk during shifts, but nothing deep or major, just random things, small talk that means nothing. Buck never tries to learn more about Eddie, knows that the other isn’t interested giving peronal information either. Eddie seemingly gave up trying to make nice to Buck pretty early on. Gave up on Buck like everybody else does.

Buck learns through listening to conversation going on around him that Eddie is struggling though, with Christopher and his school. So in a weak moment where he doesn’t think all that much he calls Carla. Tells her just to say she knows people at that station should Eddie ask. So far Buck’s pretty sure Eddie has no idea it’s him and he would like it to stay this way. Buck only marginally knows about the drama around Shannon. He’s not really interested in Eddie’s private life. If he wants to get back together with his estranged wife that's his problem to deal with then. When she shows up at the toy drive though, Buch has to role his eyes. This is drama he can live without. 

The thing he really, really doesn't want to think about is the fact that more and more he wants to grab Eddie and fuck him stupid against a wall or any other surface available. Even a bed would do. Meaning that about 90 percent of the time they are in the same vicinity Buck is really frustrated. It’s a problem but he’s dealing with it. It’s just lust after all. He steadfastly ignores the moments where he just longs to be held in strong arms, told that everything will be okay and be allowed to be himself again. He also ignores the times he watches Eddie being an awesome human being. Because it makes him think how great a friend Diaz could be. He's always trying to at least be decent to everyone, even the douchebags they encounter on some calls. He wonders then what it must be about him that made Eddie nope out on the first day.

It’s not like he went and fell head over heels for someone he doesn’t know. Someone who doesn’t want him, not even as a friend - and made that very clear. And he’s still waiting for Abby. Even though they haven’t talked in months and Maddie has been telling him to close that chapter. Look for his own place and all that. Only, if Buck does that, it means it’s final. Finality is something he’s never really learned how to deal with. He’s also not in the right mindset to let go, to say goodbye to Abby and be open to something real again. He’s aware that he’s trapped in the construct of a relationship that realistically doesn’t exist anymore. But he doesn’t really know how to get himself out of that. There isn’t anybody who could help.

As much as he tells himself that he hates Eddie, it’s really this version of himself, that he hates the most. He hates being this petty man, the one that is trapped because he’s so desperately lonely that he’ll take this over being alone. He hates that he’s always the one running after people, trying to make nice and be accepted. He hates that no one’s ever come for him. So while Maddie falls in love with Chimney, Buck remains alone without many friends and figures that it’s better this way. 

Things with Eddie settle into some sort of routine at work. Buck is still a little standoffish at times but mostly lets it simmer under the surface when he and Eddie actually make a good team. It goes on for months, so long that even Hen has given up to try and change it. They are all used to the strained tension between Buck and Eddie by now. Bobby doesn’t like it and Buck feels bad about that. But as long as they are doing their jobs Bobby can’t really do anything. It’s not like Buck and Eddie get into fist fights or are screaming at each other all the time. They mostly ignore each other.

Though, sometimes Buck thinks Eddie is watching him. Maybe he’s trying to figure Buck out. Thing is, Buck doesn’t want to be figured out. He wants to keep the thoughts hidden that haunt him when he’s alone. He wants to hide the feeling of longing, of crushing loneliness that grabs him when he catches a glimpse of Eddie with his son. He never ever wants to face the fact that his heart thuds painfully every time he thinks about Eddie. He never wants to confront the way he felt when Eddie made it clear that Buck is on the lowest level of ever being considered someone trustworthy to Eddie.

Then Eddie’s wife dies. And Buck is devastated because he actually wants to be there for Eddie, to help him in his grief. Because Buck knows how that goes. Remembers what he’s suppressed for more than a decade. He knows how it feels to lose someone you love with all your heart and soul. Buck knows how deep that cuts and how it impacts everything afterwards, even relationships that aren’t but could have been.

Buck stays away. They aren’t friends. They aren’t close. And Eddie probably won’t appreciate Buck showing up now, would mostly likely think it some kind of obligation and not genuine. Buck’s lost for words anyway. He ignores Bobby’s disapproval, Chim’s disappointment and Hen’s sad eyes. He swallows the sob threatening to escape when Maddie looks at him knowingly and just hugs him close. He avoids Eddie’s eyes when they are back on the same shift.

+++

The truck crushing him is like a caesura, a turning point he never imagined possible. One second he’s sure he is dying the next Eddie is there. 

The pain’s excruciating, all-encompassing, mind-numbing. But Eddie’s hand in his, that’s his lifeline. That’s his focus, his connection to reality, to staying awake. He loses time, doesn’t know when the people get there, only becomes aware of being free when he’s on the stretcher. Eddie’s hand still on him. It’s the first time ever that Buck’s aware of being touched by Eddie. 

He really must be close to dying. Eddie wouldn’t. Not him. It’s what he says in the ambulance, when Eddie is murmuring reassuring words Buck can’t comprehend but is soothed by anyway. He doesn’t let go of Eddie’s hand, wants to feel it as long as he can, as long as he’s allowed to. Buck’s pretty sure it’ll be the last time. Either due to him dying or if he should survive Eddie making sure it’ll never happen again.

“No ten foot pole,” he gasps out, proud that he’s staying awake long enough to see Eddie’s stunned look changing into something like realisation and then despair, to hear Chim’s “what the fuck is he talking about?”, to register Hen shouting about his BP dropping. 

Waking up is torture, so he doesn’t stay awake for long - only to see Carla there. Maddie, too. No one else, though. Why should there be? There isn’t anybody else in his life. He wavers between somewhat awake and asleep for a while, maybe even days. He’s not sure. No one is there to tell him, when he comes to for real this time.

The rooms dark, just the light from the hallway filtering through the curtains that are drawn close in front of the glass wall. In the room itself it’s not really all black but a mixture of subdued browns and cold whites from the lights outside. It feels like everything in here is swallowing sounds. It’s too quiet despite the beeping close by. Buck slowly takes everything in, the IVs he is hooked up to, the monitors next to the bed, his leg elevated in a sling, the empty chairs next to him. He closes his eyes again. Nothing new there. Alone as usual.

Plastic scraping on linoleum wakes him up again. It’s still dark, so he didn’t lose that much time. Buck is disoriented, though, blinks against the heaviness of his eyelids and wonders what woke him. The smell of coffee wafts towards him, makes his stomach rumble and his head turn. The chair to his right isn’t empty any longer. His heart thuds which makes the monitor screech in alarm which in turn increases his heart rate even more. He can't really breathe all that well either.

“Shit. Hey, Buck. It’s okay. You’re safe. Hey, look at me. Breathe. Come on. Just breathe with me. Okay? Deep breath in, hold it, and out. And again...”

And for some reason he does. He follows the words, the instructions and calms down not long after. He registers the nurse that hurries in to check the alarm, feels her hands on him but doesn't really acknowledge her besides a nod when she asks if he's feeling okay. He’s been prone to panic attacks since he was little, so he should know how to go through them. But he’s never been able to come out of one this fast. He should find it funny that the reason he slipped into one is also the reason he came out of it. Buck can’t hold back the tear that slips free. He’s embarrassed and confused. He’s in pain and doesn’t really know how to voice it.

“Eddie?” It’s the only thing that comes out when he opens his mouth. He sounds rough, suddenly remembers screaming in pain and for his life - and swallows a sob when more tears track down his cheeks. He doesn’t want to be this vulnerable in front of someone. Especially not Eddie Diaz.

“Hey. I’m sorry. I didn’t want to scare you. Also sorry I’m the one you’re waking up to. Everyone’s outside, asleep. We just thought someone should be with you at all times.”

Eddie apologizing for being the one here throws Buck a little. Also that everyone is around. Because why? He doesn’t know why he voices that thought but something in the way Eddie is looking at him has Buck wondering.

“Why?”

“Why what?” Eddie looks confused, like Buck’s asking stupid questions. He can blame the pain meds later, he thinks. 

“Why are they here? Should be home sleeping. You, too. Got a son and all.”

“My son is fine Buck. My abuela has him for a sleepover. You need us here more.” Said like it’s true, like it should be obvious. Buck doesn’t get it.

“No. I don’t. Used to being alone. So you can go home. Am alive. It’s okay.”

Eddie looks stunned again. Like he did in the ambulance. Like he doesn’t know how to take Buck’s words, how to take Buck. Buck’s tired again. Tired in general and tired of being here, of what’s to come. He knows they all feel obligated now, to be here, to make sure he’s alive. To fulfill a duty to a fellow firefighter. That’s all it is about. 

Buck hasn’t been family in months. Hasn’t been around for anything outside of work and no one bothered to even ask if he wanted it that way. He stepped back when Eddie became the favorite. He stepped back and no one stopped him. His head’s pounding in a steady rhythm which makes it hard for him to keep his eyes open.

“Buck, I know these last months have been hard on you. But everyone’s worried. They want to be here for you.” Eddie tries again, voice low, going for soothing. 

Under normal circumstances this would have had Buck shouting in rage. He doesn’t need to be soothed. But his brain’s too sluggish and somehow Eddie sounding worried does something to him. He closes his eyes, sighs in relief when the pounding in his head eases a bit. He also can’t look at Eddie right now.

“Why are you here, then?”

“What?”

“You don’t… like me. I know. Just can’t figure out why you’d want to be here for me.”

His eyes snap open again when he feels his hand being taken in between two warm calloused ones. Buck turns his head on the pillow a little, shocked that Eddie is suddenly this close. Brown eyes, deeper than he’d ever imagined, are glistening with what suspiciously looks like tears. Buck frowns, because what reason does Eddie have to cry?

“I like you. You are a great firefighter. You are an awesome human being, always helping whenever you can. Don’t think we won’t talk about Carla later. Or when you called ahead and let Bobby know I had to take Chris to the station. But this entire time I thought you were just too caught up in your relationship. Hurting. And I never knew how to approach you. I’m astoundingly bad at talking about feelings and I honestly thought I couldn’t help you anyway. But that wasn’t it, was it? It was me? Me talking to Chim and you getting the wrong impression.”

This must be the most Eddie has ever said to him, Buck thinks. For more his brain isn’t awake enough. He can’t comprehend that this entire misery is supposedly based on a misunderstanding. A misunderstanding and his own insecurities. Eddie's fingers wrapped around his squeeze in some sort of apology Buck desperately wants to accept. 

“Not me?” He sounds about five but can’t muster up the energy to feel embarrassed about it.

“No,” Eddie sort of chuckles, deprecatingly at himself as it seems. “Not you. One of the other recruits came on to me, and wouldn't take no for an answer at first. Got that cleared up pretty quickly. And you know, everyone told me how awesome you were, singing your praise and I really wanted to get to know you. But it never really happened. Now I know why. You thought we were talking about you. We weren't.”

Buck turns his eyes away, not sure how to go on, what to say to that. He just woke up from being crushed by a fire truck. Mentally, he isn’t capable of doing much processing right now. He’s just so tired.

“Sleep Buck, everyone’s here. You aren’t alone.”

Buck sleeps.

+++

Surprisingly enough, nothing changes. Okay, so he doesn’t hate Eddie as much anymore or at all but that doesn’t mean they become fast friends. They don’t. Buck’s busy with recovery, then with rehab and then with the recertification. He doesn’t have time to righten a relationship that never even existed until now. 

Eddie turns up in hospital a few times, one time even with Christopher. The topics of their conversations stay superficial, as they both don’t know what to do now. How to act now that they know Buck misunderstood something in a very fundamental way. There’s no user manual for how to build a friendship and eradicate the months they’ve missed. 

And even if they should become friends one day, that doesn’t solve Buck’s problem of still wanting to flatten Eddie against every available surface and have his way with him. And just because they are now sometimes talking outside of a work environment doesn’t mean Eddie is in any way or form interested in Buck like that. His insecurities are like a constant voice reminding him that he'll only get his heart broken again if he doesn't watch it. But Eddie just being Eddie is enough for Buck to nurture this stupid hate-crush. Only it's not a hate-crush any longer. It's more an infatuation with the pontential of becoming something that scares Buck. And that's the crux of it all, Buck's scared to death. Scared of his own feelings, scared to try, even scared to take a step towards something simple as a friendship.

So instead of actually trying for some sort of relationship with the man, Buck finally gets an apartment. He moves out of Abby’s place, puts her stuff in storage and lets Carla know about it. He moves with almost nothing but his own clothes. There isn’t much anybody can help with, so it’s just him and Maddie on moving day. He writes a letter to Abby, too. Finality. And he’s dealing with it the best way he can. 

Things with the team are sort of smoothed out over the months of his recovery. Everyone sort of figured that Buck was having a hard time and apologized for not being there more. He's quite grateful to Eddie for not telling what it really was about. So now Buck is part of something again, has had a long talk with Hen about that, too. It just still feels like he’s still the odd man out after all this time. And then he goes and collapses right into Eddie’s arms at a party they organized for him. Go figure.

Coming back to work after that, with the blood thinners and all, proves to be difficult. Especially when Buck learns that Bobby’s the one who doesn’t want him to. But before he can figure out how to go about it, he gets a call from May. She’s watching Christopher, volunteered when Eddie asked. With Carla on vacation and Eddie’s family not in the city May was the best option. Just that she forgot about an important test and needs to study and therefore called Buck as back-up. Everyone else is working.

So that’s how Buck finds himself at the pier with a boy he barely knows and no idea how to go about that. But Christopher is easy. Easy to please and easy to handle. He’s actually a joy to be around and that’s why it really doesn’t surprise Buck that his bad luck is following him today as well. He simply doesn’t get to enjoy good things.

They get tossed and turned, almost drown and find each other in the end. It’s hours of misery, of water coming and going, of the sun beating down mercilessly. It’s even more hours of trying to save them and others. It’s chaos all around. In the end Buck gets them to the field hospital, exhausted and about to collapse but endlessly relieved to have made it with the boy alive. He loses Christopher in the crowd though. Screams himself hoarse only to find him sitting on a cot with a cell phone in his hand.

“I want to call dad,” he says and Buck freezes. He doesn’t have Eddie’s number. And even if he did, his own cell is toast. Buck turns, searches for a way to get to Eddie, when he sees an ambulance close by.

“Okay. Come on. We’re trying a different way.”

He convinces the paramedic up front to use the radion to call out for the 118. It takes five tries before Buck hears Bobby’s voice. He doesn’t get to say anything since he isn’t on duty but the paramedic relays the information of Chris and his whereabouts. 30 minutes later Eddie rushes into the tent they are waiting in like an avenging angel. Buck ducks away the second Eddie has his son in his arms. It’s their moment. And he doesn’t feel too good anyway.

His heart is thudding hard, his head pounds in a weird rhythm, too and Buck can feel sweat pooling at the nape of his neck. He wants to lie down, close his eyes and sleep for a century. There’s blood running down his arm and for a second there Buck thinks that isn’t good. But he is too far gone to voice that thought. Instead he looks up, searches Eddie to make sure Chris is okay. The last thing he sees are Eddie’s eyes going wide before darkness claims him.

+++

Buck wakes up three days later to IVs in his arm and Maddie by his side this time. He doesn’t see Eddie for a week after that. In his mind that makes sense. He’s the one who almost lost Christopher. He’s the one responsible for the trauma the boy is most likely going through right now. He expects to be told that much and to never come near them again next time he does see Eddie. What he doesn’t expect is to open his door and be shoved backwards.

Eddie is on him before he can blink or even say anything. The kiss is almost violent but turns into something so profound when Buck just goes with it, that he can’t be mad about it. Eddie Diaz is kissing him and it’s electrifying. They don’t talk. Eddie moves them through the loft until he sees the couch. Then it’s just a matter of directing Buck towards it.

The kisses are hot and heavy, as dirty as they can be. Buck gives as good as he gets and grunts when Eddie shoves him onto the couch. They bite and lick and bite some more. They suck bruises into each other’s skin and ravish where they can. It’s like they suddenly can’t get enough of each other. It’s hard and fast, nothing soft or gentle about it. But Buck realizes that right now, this is what he needs, what they apparently need.

Eddie’s sucking on his neck while grinding down into him and Buck groans. Loud and long, like he’s starving for it. And he is. No one has touched him like this in ages. He scrambles to get Eddie’s shirt off, desperate to touch skin. Rakes his fingernails over a very defined back and grins when Eddie whines. Meets his thrust and closes his eyes when it’s almost too much. He’s on the edge already, angry a little that Eddie can do that to him. But not really. He’s been dreaming about this for so long.

They are down to their boxers when Eddie stops. Buck whines and feels pathetic for being this desperate but doesn’t stop bucking upwards, trying to get friction, to make Eddie move again from where he is hovering above Buck.

“You done this before?” 

“What? Sex?” His brain’s a little stupid right now but he’s about to have the man he has been dreaming about, lusting after, so that should be a valid excuse. He knows he hasn’t fucked it up when Eddie laughs. He’s never heard Eddie laugh like that. It’s nice Buck realizes.

“Well, sex with a man.”

“Oh. Oh yeah. Not my first rodeo, cowboy. Get on with it.” He grins the grin he knows is exaggerated but still sort of genuine. It’s the one that slips out when he’s being playful. Not something he’s ever been around Eddie before. The way Eddie’s eyes soften lets him think that Eddie might like this, too.

“Alright then. As you wish.”

And if Buck wasn’t already halfway (meaning all the way) infatuated with Eddie Diaz, this would be the reason to be. Quote Princess Bride at him and you’ll have bonus points for life. He drags Eddie back down, kisses him fiercely, thoroughly. Boxers slipped down to their knees now. Moans when his cock rubs against Eddies, moans even louder when Eddie gets a hand around them both. It's like a jolt that moves through Buck, just thr touch alone. The way Eddie moves his hand, pumps them slow and sure, it shouldn't be this sexy, this awesome. But it is. And Buck already loves it, loves being touched like that.

And then he almost forces them off the couch when he tries to reach the drawer underneath the coffee table. Eddie steadies them with another laugh but lets go of them, which Buck doesn’t like at all. He’s so damn hard and he wants to come so badly. But he also wants Eddie inside of him, like yesterday.

“What you looking for?” Eddie asks against his lips, sucking them in and biting down before releasing them.

“Lube. Condoms. There should be some in here.”

“Have many guests?” Eddie says it with a smile, means it teasingly but Buck feels himself shiver as something cold moves down his spine. He doesn’t know what the team told Eddie about his phase before Abby. He can imagine, though. 

Mood broken Buck slides out from underneath Eddie’s warm body, hooks his boxers back, grabs the quilt from the back of the couch and presses himself into the corner farthest away from Eddie.

“Buck?”

“No guests. Just myself. But I guess my reputation made its way to you anyway.”

He watches as Eddie takes a calming breath and slides his boxers back up, too. He doesn’t get dressed further though as he sits back against the couch, turns so that he’s looking at Buck and sighs.

“I’m not sure I get what you are saying here. But I obviously hurt you with what I said. And I am sorry, Buck. Wanna tell me?” 

There is this gorgeous man sitting on his couch in only his boxers asking him if he wants to talk. Buck’s not sure what he did to deserve it. Everyone else would have probably scoffed and left by now. Buck destroying any kind of mood isn't exactly a novelty to him. But Eddie is still here, willing to listen even. It's sort of unexpected. Especially considering that him and Eddie still aren’t exactly friends or anything at all.

“Buck 1.0,” Buck tries, searching Eddie’s face for any kind of recognition. There is none.

“Is who?”

“Was… Someone I don’t really like and don’t wanna be again. I just thought, well, the team wasn’t impressed by him and maybe told you about it. I once stole a ladder truck to have sex with a vicitm we rescue earlier. Got fired for it, too. I wasn't in a good place. And sex was something good for me. So I had a lot of it. Until Abby. And then none after Abby. Like at all.”

Buck pulls the quilt tighter, like a shield, waiting for a reaction. The one that comes isn’t the one he is expecting, though. 

“But it’s part of you.” There’s no judgment in Eddie’s voice. And when Buck dares to look up there isn’t any in his eyes either. 

Buck wonders why they, even after that first miserable day, never tried harder to be friends. Because Eddie seems to get him like nobody does these days. But he knows why, though. His own insecurities play a major role in that. 

“Guess so, yeah. Just sometimes…” He shrugs, not sure how to go on, looking for the right words. His attention is drawn to the streetlights outside. When did it get dark? How long have they been making out?

“Sometimes something triggers you. Like now me trying to be funny.”

“Yeah.”

“I am sorry.”

“You didn’t know.”

“Still. And I guess me waltzing in here like that didn’t help either, huh?” Eddie’s smiling a little but there’s regret hidden underneath and Buck hates it. 

“Oh no. That was actually hot. But... what brought that on? I mean we aren’t… “

“Anything? Yeah, I know and I hate it. I just… could you maybe just stop almost dying in my arms? Three times is enough, don’t you think?” 

“Three?” Buck is confused, because as of now he can only recall two times. And yeah, even those would be enough in his opinion.

“At the field hospital, you went down and I only just managed to grab you before you hit your head. I didn’t even know you were there until Chris told me to look for you. Bobby only ever said Chris was caught in the tsunami. Then you were there, going down and Buck… dammit, you coded twice. Got you back once before the doctors took over.”

That’s new to him. Maddie never told him what happened, only said he’d been down for three days due to the blood loss.

“No one told me.”

“Chris and I, we weren’t allowed to visit. Only family, that’s at least what they told us. Maddie only told Chim you were back home yesterday. And Chris had a nightmare today, calling out for you. I couldn’t take it. Asked Chim for your address. I’ve been standing by the last fee months, waiting for you to say something. But today I realized that you never will, that you maybe still think I don't want… a friendship or maybe more.”

“But you do?” Just like that all the hope Buck has tried to stow away in the deepest recess of his mind comes surging forward almost making him choke with the force of it. 

“Since the first day. Hell, just one look and I want to get to know you. So badly. After the truck, after having just lost Shannon, I didn’t want to let another chance go by. Life’s too short and all that. But nothing ever happened. We didn’t talk, at all. And I’m not sure why. So I kinda lost it today and acted.”

Eddie acted first and now Buck thinks it’s his turn. He sort of chucks the quilt, gets on his knees and crawls towards Eddie. Eddie, who is smiling now and who welcomes him with open arms. They slide backwards a little, sink down into the cushions and just look at each other for a moment. Buck’s never been this close to Eddie before, not even at work. There’s something mesmerizing in those brown eyes, something that draws him in, makes him courageous.

“You want to?” He asks into the silence between them.

“Yeah, I want to. I know it’s probably not the best way to go about it but I want to. I want you. I want to be with you. Finally get to know you.”

“I have issues. Like a lot of them.”

“So do I. Let’s figure it out together? What’ya say?”

Buck doesn’t answer with words, instead he leans down and claims Eddie’s lips in a kiss that is so different from the first ones they shared but still just as hot and passionate. He loses himself in the feeling of Eddie against him, of Eddie’s lips parting for him, of Eddie pulling him closer and holding on tight.

End of Part 1

TBC

**Author's Note:**

> This has been one major idea of mine that I have had in mind for a while now.  
> I never really knew how to start it though. This prompt felt fitting and it was supposed to be something short to guide over to the other parts. Guess Buck ran away from me here. I hope it still makes sense.
> 
> Thank you, A. <3  
> As always all remaining mistakes are mine. This time even more so, because I think I changed a lot after getting the betaed version back. Ooops.


End file.
